Monday, June 2, 2008

Freak Farm

I'm a pretty good eaves-dropper. I don't think this is something to proud of – but it is what it is. 

I overheard a mom at our pool telling another mom about a nearby horse farm that she often takes her children to. I heard her raving about all the horses and animals at the farm, as well as their fully-stocked petting zoo. I also heard her give exact directions to the farm.

I decided I would go check it out this morning since Chloe and I had some time to kill. The road leading to the farm was littered with trailers, drifters, and broken down El Camino's. I started second guessing my eaves-dropping skills and began to wonder if the woman at the pool was actually giving directions to the set of Hostel. 

As we drove slowly down the winding, tree-shaded dirt road, I saw a woman in a pick-up truck driving towards us. She slowed and rolled down her window with a "who the hell are you" look on her face. I asked her if she knew about the farm and she told us she was the ranch manager. She seemed pretty normal, despite the missing teeth, and introduced herself as Anne. Once she knew we were all about the animals, she told us to proceed forward and then handed us about 30 dog biscuits. She said we could go have a look around and give the biscuits to any creatures who would willingly eat them.

The ranch apparently runs summer camps and children programs – but there is no sum of money that would convince me to leave Chloe there, even for a few minutes. And I should tell you, I am used to places like this having grown up in the sticks of Florida. 

The farm was complete with:

• A very large fire pit, filled with grungy old furniture. 

• A very old, very grumpy older gentleman (that's putting it very nicely) who said a total of two words to me – "Get 'em" – as he pointed to a small chicken running around their "office."

• A feral-looking girl, maybe 12 (I imagined a victim of kidnapping) who said word none.

• 20-30 horses, 4-5 sheep, a few goats, bunnies, roosters, chickens, geese, pheasants, ponies, chickens and parakeets.

The last part made the whole trip worthwhile. Chloe was enamored with all the animals. Somehow I managed to put my paranoia aside and enjoy some quality time with Chloe and a bit of true Florida.

2 comments:

Mother of the Freakin' Year said...

Are you f'n crazy? You could have been killed and fed to the chickens! Good god.

Anonymous said...

"Hostel" You're to funny. We all know they lure you to those death camps with Naked hot eastern Euro meat. Not a petting zoo...Or, do they...."Get em". This reminds me of some Lachoocie crazy.